Meet the Orthi!

"Does anyone else think it's kind of...I don’t know, disturbing that the most popular kid's show on TV is produced by aliens?"

Randall "Redline" Larson, interview in Lake City Ledger-Journal, 07/29/06

It’s been twenty years since we’ve learned we’re not alone in the universe, but humanity is still not quite sure what to make of the Orthi, a curious, outgoing and earnest race of, let’s be honest, floating starfish. The Nameless have at least gone to the trouble of faking a humanoid appearance, and everyone knows the notoriously camera shy Lhan-Gar hate us, but why do the friendliest aliens have to be so damn weird looking?

Imagine a three-limbed starfish about eight feet across; between each set of arms are three eyes, one large one with two smaller ones below. The upper half of their body is covered by a hard shell, and a frightened Orthi will wrap its three limbs around itself in a spiral fashion, protecting its sensitive eyes. The mouth is located on the underside, which humans rarely see as this is where an adaptation disc is worn, though perhaps ‘ridden’ is a more accurate term. The disc is a metallic device that completely covers the underside of the Orthi, converting any atmosphere into one breathable by the wearer, as long as certain chemical reserves are regularly replaced. In addition, the disc has a number of other functions: using gravmags (a bit of Orthi superscience), it allows the wearer to slowly levitate and move through space, controlling direction and speed of motion by tilting this way and that. It also serves as an electronic translator, since there is no way an Orthi can organically replicate human speech. And lastly, it contains a wide variety of probes, tools and metallic tentacles that lets the wearer manipulate the world around it with much finer control than its natural tentacles provide. There are 3.5 Orthi genders (what the..?) and they possess an extremely diverse society and culture largely based on, of all things, their inimitable sense of humor.

The Orthi are a peaceful but non-judgmental race; they are sad that humans are still so warlike in their infancy, but their own history is marked by thousands of years of savage warfare, and they are hopeful that one day we too shall rise above our differences. To this end, the Orthi have offered humanity a large number of non-lethal weapons systems that they’ve used for hundreds of years whenever diplomacy or the rule of law has broken down on their world. Pacifiers are the most common, a neurological stun weapon recalibrated for human nervous systems; they have been made available to Earth’s militaries, police departments and private security firms at a very reasonable price, though the patents are still held exclusively by the Orthi Corporation, a source of much frustration to defense contractors. The Orthi Corporation also manufactures affordable personal electronics, such as the now ubiquitous O-phone, as well as medical technology. The Orthi are becoming rich on our world, and that makes a lot of folks unhappy.

And what do they use that money for? Most of it is used to fund the Alliance’s operations here on Earth, maintaining bases in the US, UK, India, Brazil and Dubai, but a significant portion goes to charitable donations. In the US, the Orthi have heavily invested in public broadcasting, even going so far as production their own cross-cultural children’s show, Rinkadinkadoo, a surreal exploration of human/Orthi cooperation and friendship; famous for its singsong dialogue and trippy spiral motifs, it is beloved by kids and druggies alike. Several conservative and anti-alien groups are deeply suspicious of this program.

Next post: Meet the Lhan-Gar! (assuming they can actually see you)