Meet the Lhan-Gar!

"And why do the all the Lhan-Gar have microwave ovens for heads?"
(laughter)

"These guys say they're weapons, but who exactly are they fighting with these things? Have they declared war on Orville Redenbacher or something?"
(laughter)

Jay Leno, Tonight Show monologue transcript, 11/13/96

We know very little about the Lhan-Gar, and can only make educated guesses based on casual observation (no Lhan-Gar has ever volunteered for a Terran examination) and a few brief comments gathered by other Alliance members working with them in field. Very little video footage of these immense creatures exists and they’ve only visited our world once, so the information provided below is rather sketchy.

First of all, it is understood that 'Lhan-Gar' is not the name of an actual race, but rather refers to a warrior caste or clan that members of an unnamed race belong to, and have for many generations; it is unknown if other races may join this order, but none of the other three Allied races have ever been asked to join, and future invitations seem unlikely, considering the thinly-veiled contempt these warriors apparently hold for all other lifeforms.

In general body type, the Lhan-Gar are said to somewhat resemble carnivorous theropod dinosaurs such as Tyrannosaurus Rex, with a length of about 30 feet from tip to tail, and a height of about 10 feet at the hip. Their massive hind legs allow them to run at great speed, reportedly up to 30 miles an hour, counterbalanced by their long and heavy tails. Their forelimbs are much smaller, but unlike terrestrial theropods they have considerable muscle mass; each 'hand' ends in four razor-clawed 'fingers', joined by tissue up to the proximal phalanges to create two sub-fingers split halfway down with talons at the ends of all four tips. Lhan-Gar posses no opposable digits of their own, but wear strong metal wristbands with a thick stubby claw that works as a sort of ‘mock thumb’ for the purpose of gripping large objects; this means they have almost no fine dexterity at all. Their skins are described as being mottled in a wide variety of colors, mostly browns, olives, light yellows and deep reds.

However, the most striking thing about these gigantic warriors are their heads, or rather what we see of their heads, which is practically nothing; all Lhan-Gar wear gleaming metal helmets that completely obscure their features. A Lhan-Gar refers to this helm as its warface or just 'my face', and it is a disgrace punishable by death to be seen without it. The warface serves many functions; it allows the Lhan-Gar to breathe our atmosphere, the heavy smooth top is frequently used for devastating ramming attacks (mostly seen by other Alliance members in lethal ritualized duels), and it contains a wide array of microwave-based technology. The Lhan-Gar use bounced microwaves to 'see', broadcast microwaves to communicate with each other and other races (via radio0, and focused microwaves to 'cook' their enemies up to a range of 20 feet.

It has been noted by many that based on their lack of fine manipulation, the Lhan-gar could not have built their own tools or technology, especially the warface, and this has led to widespread speculation. Some experts believe that all Lhan-Gar are of one gender, possibly male, and that the other 'female' gender is smaller and kept locked away inside their giant starships, developing and repairing all the equipment; it has been pointed out that these gender assignments are inherently chauvinistic, and like the Terran lion, perhaps the warriors who go out on the hunt are all female, and others state that applying Terran genders to an alien race is a mistake in and of itself. Another theory is that other species are perhaps subjugated and forced into performing these tasks for the warriors; until the Lhan-gar let any of the other Alliance races onto their vessels, we may never know the truth, but human groups of many kinds are closely watching them for possible ‘sentient’s rights’ violations.

One last very curious attribute of this race has to do with their social relationships with other races, and it's really quite extraordinary; unless they see an individual as being anywhere close to being their ‘equal’, they appear to be unable to perceive them. We are unsure if this cultural or actually developmental, but it has been reported a few times: a Lhan-Gar blithely trampling or knocking aside a human with complete indifference. Once an individual has proven themselves to a Lhan-Gar, he will suddenly be 'seen' by that warrior, and bizarrely enough every one he meets after that, possibly due to some sort of mass microwave broadcast. Members of the Alliance have spoken of this process, and sheepishly admit they are among the few humans the Lhan-gar even acknowledge to exist.

Next time: Meet the Nameless!